I read that Ripple, XRP, uses far less energy than Bitcoin or Ethereum for transactions — a reason in itself to pull ahead, as more people accept the premise of cryptos and the hyper egregious level of security associated with Bitcoin becomes less crucial.  And I heard Theta got a new node.  That’s good because we bought my dad Theta for his birthday.  My understanding is that Theta tech proposes a software solution to global high-speed wifi, capable of streaming high quality video.  Instead of your device locking in to a signal emitted from a cell tower, it would just be your device, on Theta.  Please don’t quote me.  I read up on NFT’s, non fungible tokens.  That’s the emerging digital collectibles market.  Not sure what to, like, do with that…?, but interesting.  And, unrelated, Cardano continues to be a strong performer.

Someone on Bitcoin Twitter posted a spike-to-perma-flat graph and said ‘hey you guys, remember IOTA? Lol’.  That was a shitcoin.  And I had such a flashback — I remember driving a loaded fuel truck up a really steep, really long grade, and it took forever, years ago, and I was listening to a YouTube about IOTA.

This will all continue for a long time.  Stuff jostling around as the new market establishes itself.  My brother was able to leverage his stuff around so as to purchase an entire Bitcoin yesterday and I’m soooooo happy for him and soooooo jealous.  It’s at an all time low, too, and by all time low, I mean $28k higher than it was over the holidays, so…yeah basically a devastating bear market.  Realistically, at $100k BTC or $200k BTC, no one will care whether they bought in at 47k or 52k or 58k.  It’s fucking irrelevant.

I think everyone’s feeling like me — GODDAMN what was I doing with my life when it was sub-1k, and sub-10k, and sub-20k…etc.  Oh, and for Mr. JunkMall, who always comments “Bitcoin will go to 0” — here, I’ll say it for you, but feel free to leave your signature comment in any case: Bitcoin will go to 0.  That’s a possibility.  Only because everything is a possibility.

And then everyone else, if you mention it, they’re like “Haha oh yeah I need to try to learn I just don’t have time.”  My personal reaction?, is like…I feel like the top of my head is gonna blow off or something.  When the latest bull run was on, I was a little more laissez faire in return, like…I know the number’s gonna look too high to you, you’re gonna react to that one of two ways, figure it out.

But now that it’s just SITTING at this low — Bitcoin is like an enormous elephant just sitting in the middle of a pond right now.  I mean there’s neverbeen a better time to wade out and pet an elephant.  Anyway, BTC sitting at this low and people are like “haha yeah I haven’t had time I heard of it” I’m like GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.  Not fair, I know.  I just want people to not miss it.

On Bitcoin Twitter, the agreed-upon strategy is, tell them twice, then give up.  Probably a good approach for most things.  The next bull run is gonna be ugly, and they’re gonna wish they petted that nice elephant when they had a chance, is all.

Well anyway, what else.  Chatter about a false flag attack on March 4.  Biden’s still red-pilling people better than Trump ever could.  The Left is like, How dare he bomb Syria when we haven’t got our stimmies yet!?  The Right is like, lol Biden bombed Syria and no one even got their stimmies yet.  The Anons are like, Pretty sure Biden isn’t even in control of the military, so let’s look back to xyz Q drops about Syria and Iran.

YouTube removed CoinDesk’s entire channel, for violation of terms of service, framing cryptos as “an illegal activity”.  Brandon Straka was heard from, once, last week I think, since his arrest, authenticating a Gab account from his Twitter or something.  Texas issued a peace warrant for Biden and Fauci, which I think is some kind of, like, citizen’s arrest or something?  Sounds symbolic, and pretty funny to me.

There’s a long list of a bunch of Federal level (I think?) lawyers resigning, out of nowhere.  The Left is plugging their ears and saying “la la la la!,” in response to charges of sexual misconduct from Cuomo.  I’m not saying it should be taken as gospel — these days, character assassination happens on the level of sexual misconduct charges, just like group identity association happens on the level of infiltration and shenanigans.  No one, anywhere, should be believed just because.  And, finally, Dems voted “No” on ICE being notified in the event of an illegal immigrant attempting to purchase firearms, so I don’t know how else to take that besides, they’re a lot more keen on disarming citizens than rando non-citizens.  Weird.

Anyway, I’m a shit source of news, very scattershot.  I used to link everything carefully and now I just can’t give a shit.  The links will be taken down by the time anyone clicks them, thanks to the arbiters of our wellbeing protecting us from misinformation at every turn.

I have a day of narrating and working out ahead of me, trying to wrap up our contracted projects before Buffy and I leave for the mainland to join Nick and Milo for our new biz start up.  I have a Teal Swan training event in early April, which has to potential to segue into an additional, unrelated biz start up.  I have an Zoom meeting with a Certified Completion Process Practitioner this Tuesday, as a condition of my attendance at the event.  (I’ve taken myself through the Process several times, so this will be interesting to have a facilitator.)

I’m really looking into the contours and shadows of my own attitudes about helping people, as the reality of this training event settles in.  Teal absolutely recommended everyone who’s thinking of applying (and it said about 17% are accepted, I think?  So yay me!) think long and hard, first, about any blocks they may have regarding service to others.  I did, for a minute, and then applied anyway, got accepted, and now I’m like: whoa, shit, now I really need to think about this.

So, point blank, I wouldn’t characterize myself as exhibiting a high degree of service mindset.  I can think of ten people off the top of my head who are more service oriented than me.  I tend to distance myself from people when they’re at their worst because, hello, they’re at their worst.  When the gal asked me, in my interview, what motivated me to apply, I was totally honest: I become a better student once I’ve taught something.  I become a better follower once I’ve led.  The things that are really important to me are, indeed, so important that I don’t really care, or think about, whether I’m learning or teaching, leading or following.  As long as I’m swimming in the right waters, I’m happy.

So, I know this direction represents the right waters for me, and I know that I’ve never been the literal worst at a thing, among any random grouping, although this could be a first.  So, we’ll see what shakes out.

Some of my worst characteristics and my best characteristics tend to…be the same, though, depending on what milieu we’re talking.  I know that I find the victim mindset to be anathema, whether it arises in myself or others.  We, all of us, are legitimately victimized in all kinds of ways, all the time, obviously, so it’s not that I don’t get that.  I’m feeling victimized by some things right now, in fact.  And, bonus, I can observe that I’m currently holding a victim mindset about some of those things, which only irritates me more.

But this is what I mean, about swimming in the right waters.  I can’t swim in the waters where anyone’s status as a victim, an officially broken person, a done deal, is agreed upon, let alone celebrated, even if that victim is me.  It feels so good at first, and then it doesn’t.  It’s probably a lot like heroin.

So, back to the question: barriers I have around service to others?  Number one would be, as someone who emotionally goes off the rails on a regular basis, at least in little ways, sometimes big ways, there’s a sense of imposter syndrome there.  I’ll say more on that in a bit.  Number two would be…something about this “tell them twice, then give up” strategy.  For whatever reason, the main “helping people” situations I’ve been in, or that come to mind, have been relative to fire season trucking.

After my first season or two, which I was splashy about on social media of course because why wouldn’t I be, I’ve got balls of steel when I’m dealing with a screen — a lot of people asked for my help getting into the same gig.  It pays well, fun, desirable in a lot of ways.  Nobody held my hand, finding my way into it, but I had one friend with one piece of advice and I did what he said with 100% intentionality, 100% earnest, and I 100% followed up on the results of his advice and continued leveraging myself into better and better situations, as my experience grew.

And I promise — I hope? — this point is relevant.  So I experimented with different degrees of hand-holding, there, because I thought it was an awesome gig to get into, and one that I wish I would have discovered earlier, and I found out that most people won’t do anything for themselves.  The ones who will, you just slingshot them forward when you encounter them, to the best of your ability, and it doesn’t take much work, and the ones who won’t, just won’t.  So I stayed receptive to helping people, of course, but my ardor cooled a bit let’s just say.  I’ve had a few success stories but not many.

Actually, same thing with audiobook narrating.  People want me to film videos on how to do every little thing and I’m like, Jesus Christ I gave you the website and the list of equipment, that’s more than I had.  Just read into the microphone.  But then, like a month ago, I encountered a girl here in Hawaii who really wanted to know.  She’s fluent in three languages, wants to travel, needs a portable income, has enough of a tech brain and a great reading voice, and so I invited her over to record some auditions on our equipment.

When she came over, she confessed she’s already purchased all the stuff I recommended, and I was like g’damn!  What a champ!  So we recorded a few, I connected her to my sound engineer, didn’t hear from her again, forgot all about it, but then boom like four weeks later she texted and said “Hey I just got my first couple of contracts and I’m making money, thanks!”  And that made me legitimately happy.

So, helping people has been, at least in my experience, nothing more than finding myself well-situated to connect an object in motion to their next realistic target, and it’s either easy or impossible.  One or the other.

Obviously really good helpers, more highly skilled in service, can connect more people to more targets.  That’s a wonderful type of helper to become.  However, I think there’s an important balancing act, there, where the helper does not over-extend, and the helpee does not become incorrectly framed at any point.  Really good helpers emphasize a person’s sense of agency, and never diminish it, and sometimes that means the best help looks like the worst help.

Delving into people’s emotions, as a helper, is tough because usually there’s a limiting belief behind, and supporting, the facade of What’s Gone Wrong.  And most of us are in passionate love affairs with our limiting beliefs.  PASSIONATE.  Love affairs.

Frankly, I’m excited to make some new friends who, perhaps in the future I can stay in good touch with, and I could be like “this thing is fucking me up,” and they’ll be like, “have you considered softening xyz limiting belief looks like you’re holding about it?”  That’s the kind of help I like, because it’s real ass help.

But in my experience — which, AGAIN, is why I care so much about getting myself into the right milieu, waters of the right temperature for swimming and diving — people don’t like me much when they tell me their sad story and I react to the wrong part instead of the right part.  The possibility of an underlying limiting belief rather than the pathos.

I actually had an ex-girlfriend fucking flame me about this, on her way out.  Actually, hang on: it works better as a meme —

That’s basically how it goes.  So my confidence in being able to help anyone with emotional stuff, and not just occupational stuff — which is hard enough amiright — is…not high!  Not high at all.

I had another girlfriend who told me, with great satisfaction, that she fixed her boyfriend’s unwillingness to buy her gifts by giving him a massive ultimatum, a real doomsday device, AFTER telling me, separately, that he felt wounded and guarded following his last relationship, where his ex leveraged transactional gifts in exchange for “giving” him his freedom to do the sport he loved.

I was like, “…but…no, that’s not…that’s not…a win.  That’s not a win.”  And she got upset with me, and upset with herself, and then I felt bad, but also like I was taking crazy pills.  The whole thing was supposed to have a fierce, female power vibe, I guess?  That I was supposed to, you know, immediately vibe with, because I’m female?  And it’s, like, super inconvenient and tone deaf to, as it were, remind women that men have feelings too, and being extorted doesn’t, actually, make them feel emotionally safe around you, and therefore likely to invest in you.

Honestly I’ve probably had better luck with men, as a total armchair helper.  I mean, this stuff happens to me at bars, at the grocery store, all kinds of places.  Always has.  I haven’t known what to do about it, but having a credential and charging money sounds like a good place to start.  Anyway, men have their own issues, and shit tons of limiting beliefs, as we all do, and there’s no point tackling the exterior problems without tackling the interior templates for those problems, imo.

But has to be said: I find the patently assumed commonality of ‘fierce female power’ to be an enormous barrier for women, and one that is thankfully absent in my armchair emotional explorations with men.  And maybe if I was a man, there would be an equally obstructive ‘bros before hoes’ thing that would engage.  My boyfriend actually had that going on, when we met.  And I was like, Look: bros before hoes is fine, if that’s actually your deal.  But if that was honestly true for you, then you wouldn’t misrepresent yourself to women.  So the only thing really going on here is a fail of your own integrity.  Now you’re doing the same thing that you say you’re rejecting women for, in advance, so…you see the issue.  It’s a great way to compound a problem; not a great way to level up out of it.

Anyway, across the genders — however many of them there are, these days — it’s super easy to take a victim mindset, turn that frown ostensibly upside down into a quote-unquote empowered stance, and then interpret yourself as being too “fierce” for anyone to “handle”.  That’s a game you can play with reality forever.  And reality will play it right back.  And you won’t like it.

So, believe it or not, I think the simple device of charging people money might fix a lot of this.  What they want from me, when I’m not charging them money, has become clear: an endless source of free commiseration.  You can get that from literally anyone, so I’m not sure why people try to get it from me when I’m so bad at it.  It’s like Nick with his strength coaching, which quantum leaped forward when he started charging people money.  Do you want a workout bro who will agree with all the dumb shit you’re doing in the gym, or do you want a coach who will recall your attention, over and over, to the very few things you *do* have control over, and help you expand that control to an infinite degree?

Which then takes me back to my imposter syndrome.  How well am I running my life?  Some days better than others.

I do think it will be easier, though, to feel comfortable suggesting and clarifying the interior patterns I observe when I’m not being actively mistaken for someone’s default fierce female empowerment friend, for instance, or even worse — being mistaken for some chick whose pants a dude might get into just because I’m genuinely engaging with his interior world. Those are the two biggest problems, and charging people money solves both of them.

Or, you know, I could go the other way!  I could become, like, the troll of the spiritual self-help community.  I could charge people money to amplify and accelerate their least-grounded tendencies, just to make the contrast get bigger and force a deeper change.  Lol.

Anywhoozles, that’s a wrap for today.  I don’t know if I’m a good helper, of if I can be a good helper, or if I ever have been, but whatever — that’s what I’m here to find out.  I seem to be mostly unable to help people understand that they really, really, really need to get some Bitcoin in their wallet right now.  Who knows, maybe JunkMall is right, and it will go to zero.  Or maybe dyslexic ALL CAPS LABRAHODL is right and you just need to HODL and get rich.

I know not much.  But I know we’re finally selling our house in Arizona, and Abe and I gotta go do some paperwork about it today, at the notary.  Little victories.