My dad’s sickest burn is, “When did god stop making *normal* people?” (Apparently sometime before 1943 because…).
Anyway, Nick and I were marveling, in our ten minute overlap after I woke up and before he left for his ‘struction job, that the most amazingly un-integrated people will say, with zero self-consciousness, “Trump is a narcissist / sociopath / racist / white supremacist / fascist”. This has been going on a long time and is nothing new, but somehow this morning we both thought it extra weird.
“I think it’s because we created a climate where using pop psychology terms to pathologize people we don’t like has become the most natural, accepted thing in the world,” I said. “The weirdest part is that, whenever anyone says that — ‘so-and-so is just a narcissistic sociopath’ or xyz, whatever — it’s so devoid of compassion and insight and basic kindness that you automatically realize they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
“Yeah!,” Nick agreed, mind blown by it all over again. He’s very familiar with Teal Swan, one of my favorite perspectives, and referenced her basic ‘take’ on narcissism, just for instance. We watched that video together last year. So, whenever I want to understand a broad category of psychological dysfunction, I go to her channel. Sometimes — just often enough to know it’s hardly worth it — I’ll compare what she says to other talking heads that come up, PhD or not. Everyone has something valuable to offer, but why would I scratch the surface when I can go down the rabbit hole?
Her basic premise is always the same: we are relationally-dependent beings who negotiate the demands and expectations of our families of origin as if our little lives depend on it, because they do. We’re born into these bodies knowing we can’t afford to be ostracized, so we develop those qualities we’re rewarded for, and suppress/deny/disown those qualities we’re sanctioned for, starting very young.
So, in Teal’s perspective, basically all psychological maladaptations start out as strategic and actually inevitable adaptations, given the circumstances of our home lives. She says that there basically is no such thing as a non-dysfunctional family. Some dysfunctional families are worse than others, obviously — I mean, her family’s dysfunction was to a magnitude that she herself was raped and mind-controlled and enlisted into a Satanic cult with a “keeper”, who her parents regarded as a family friend, from the ages of five to about nineteen, all without her parents’ knowledge, and they actually still deny the severity of what happened to this day, even after she’s launched a practice, more accurately a phenomenon, of treating trauma in an entirely new way, with trained practitioners all over the earth making great strides versus anything clinical psychologists are able to accomplish. It’s kind of like — well, it’s exactly like the ultimately earth-spanning phenomenon that 12 Step represents for addicts. Turns out the only person who can help you is someone who’s actually been there. Like, if you want to have the deepest darkest depths of the human psyche, and its potential for healing and god-like brilliance, explained to you by someone who has absolutely fuckin been there, then check out Teal Swan.
So anyway, she says none of us come from healthy families, and that’s no blame to the parents or anyone else per se. We all live in the Emotional Dark Ages right now, and we are given zero resources to even begin negotiating our adult relationships, let alone our parenting styles, with any real cognizance of emotional maturity and connectedness. Like, we all know how crazy it is to look back on the Dark Ages when they tortured people’s bodies to “purify” their souls, right? Or thought that the way to determine is a woman was a witch was to drown her, and if she did drown then she wasn’t a witch, and if she didn’t drown, then she was, and therefore burn her? Well, we do shit that’s just as crazy, every day. We treat the emotional center of our own lives and others’ lives as if it’s the expendable part, and make the regulation of actions and words the main event. This is fine in the workplace, okay, but to make this the dominant mode in the family home is…well. A recipe for strategic maladaptations, let’s just say
So yes, according to Teal, there is no such thing as a non-dysfunctional family, and parents being really offended that their kids turn out fucked up despite they themselves having “given them everything” is at least a large-ish part of the problem, and so coping with trauma isn’t just something for “trauma victims” — we’re all trauma victims. You are a trauma victim. I am a trauma victim. Every single person you’ve ever met is a trauma victim.
Now I know this sounds, at first glance, like the definition of a victim narrative, but admitting that traumas happen to people, and that people are legitimately victimized all the time, is the only possible rational thing. Like, you’re just not in reality if you don’t acknowledge that. The juice from this squeeze comes when we get really really clear about how we define trauma, what it’s supposed to mean for us.
So, per Teal, trauma is any experience that causes us to abandon part of ourselves and just fuckin leave it there. Like in movies, you know?, where there’s a whole team of people, and then yikes big threat, and the majority of them save themselves but not everyone makes it? Which is like every action movie ever. So, that goes on all the time. We tap out. We throw sub-selves to the wolves to save our own skins, all the time.
And interestingly, per Teal, we don’t continue to experience a smorgasbord of traumas on and on throughout our lives. We experience a few archetypal ones, before the age of six-ish, and then the entire rest of our lives is just a variation on those earliest themes. So we don’t have *that much* to heal, in terms of types of over-arching traumas…but of course the momentum of those few types can get going hard and fast, as we mature, if we don’t do anything to integrate.
And so that’s the next important key, and another reason why admitting we’re all trauma victims isn’t, actually, a victim narrative: the opposite of trauma is re-integration. So, all those action movie teammates we left scattered along the way? We have to go back and get them. They’re still there, and they’re still in trauma – that’s why we left them there, obviously. Reintegration means no soldier left behind. And she’s got a whole way of helping people do that, called The Completion Process, and it’s brilliant, and highly recommend.
So ANYWAY: that’s the context within which Teal Swan discusses any of these broad categories of psychological dysfunction. So, for instance, this is her take on narcissim:
Narcissists are created in a very specific way. The narcissist was a child who was unable to conform to the fantasy that one parent or another held for the child’s personality or behavior. They could not figure out how to please the adult. As a result, the child was treated as if they were willful and difficult. They were “the problem child”. The parent personalized the child’s behavior, developed resistance to the child and punished the child for it in covert or overt ways. It is very likely that this child was called selfish and ungrateful growing up. The primary caregiver resented the child on a deep level. As a result, the adult saw the child as a threat on a subconscious level. The environment between the child and this primary attachment figure was therefore a hostile relationship on an emotional level and perhaps even on a physical level. As a result, this child cannot attach to his or her primary attachment figure. They do not attach to adults because they don’t trust adults. They develop a selfish and hostile worldview because they feel unloved. They believe that the world is the same way as their relationship with their parent is; that the world is without warmth, acceptance and love. They close down emotionally. They believe that the world is unsafe and that everyone is out for their own. The lose hope for being lovable. They feel completely unworthy and embark on a mission to feel good about themselves. Shame, distrust, rage and neediness accumulate over the child’s life into adulthood. In an unloving world, where they do not deserve love, they cannot get love and they cannot get their needs met freely from others. They have to manipulate people to get what they need. This is what creates the foundation of narcissistic personality disorder.
That’s pretty great, right? And then here’s a good look at the Narcissistic Sociopath:
People who fall on the Narcissist and Sociopath (anti-social personality) spectrum are absolute masters of disguise. Their needs were not met and so they had to find manipulative ways to meet them. Manipulation became their only way to survive in the world emotionally. It is such a practiced behavior that it is largely subconscious. And one of these manipulations that is essential to master for them is the ability to manipulate people’s perceptions of them. The people on this spectrum are highly intelligent. They appear successful, presentable, often charismatic, rational and good…The consensus about this person is rarely challenged.
Ted Bundy was a classic sociopath. His sociopathic tendencies graduated to psychopathy. He was charismatic and many said handsome. He was highly educated. He majored in psychology and then went to law school. People perceived him as being “kind, solicitous and empathetic”. They perceived him to be a good person because he did things such as taking a job at a national crisis hotline and campaigning for political candidates on moral ground. He was a good Samaritan. When he was charged and brought to trial, the pews of the court house were full of furious people. All of them simply could not believe that Ted was capable of such crimes. The consensus was that he was falsely accused. He was in fact the good guy. Over the course of the case, as more and more evidence came forward and he began eventually to confess to his crimes, the number of dedicated and supportive people in the pews slowly dwindled. Those that remained began to look almost dissociated with the shock and disillusionment that came on the heels of realizing that he actually did do all of these horrific things in secret while portraying the complete opposite persona in public view.
And, while I’m running down the laundry list of Trump’s MSM-assigned adjectives, I may as well share Teal’s take on the Race Wars — essentially that we’d be best served to “de-shame-ify” and explore, ideally even integrate (ie heal), our reactions to other groups of people, versus drenching the entire subject in so much inflammatory shame that we napalm in advance any opportunity to heal, personally or collectively.
I can’t find anything about fascism lollll, except people on the internet accusing Teal of being one. She has more haters than Trump, believe it or not. People cannot STAND strong personalities on a mission who don’t and won’t pay lip service.
ANYWAY, so back to me and Nick’s glorious ten minutes we spent together, before he headed off to work: our cultural propensity to armchair diagnose each other as xyz / broad psychological dysfunction is, frankly, breathtaking. And I told Nick, I frankly think a lot of it comes from the collapse of courtship into hookup culture and the rise of OnlyFans. What I mean is, we’ve got a whole generation, now, or two, or however many are sexually active in the escalating Emotional Dark Ages — going around just hurting each other. Just hurting the shit out of each other. It’s like a big horrible game where the only goal is to not be the one who cries uncle, where “uncle” stands for “I’m vulnerable”.
“Because I feel like I’ve seen more and more stuff on the internet, and out in the world,” I told him, “sort of encouraging this reflex to ‘diagnose’ partners, or ex’s, you know? ‘How to tell if you’re dating a narcissistic sociopath!’ And I know lots of people have lots of issues, and dating can certainly inflame and evoke those issues, but…”
I kind of floundered, but Nick got where I was going with it and helped me finish, and I’ll paraphrase: But the very impulse to write someone off as a ‘narcissistic sociopath’, or whatever, comes from someone expecting a certain baseline of ‘normalcy’, which is exactly what she’s always saying with the Emotional Dark Ages thing: it doesn’t matter how you feel, just act right. So any person who’s judging someone else’s behavior from a perspective basically informed by the Emotional Dark Ages type thinking, probably isn’t in a position to be diagnosing anyone with anything.
“Yeah!,” I said, relieved. “Like: how are you gonna go through the world, just handing out these labels?? ‘Trump’s a fascist. You’re a white supremacist. He’s a sociopath. She’s a narcissist.’ What the fuck?? And I feel like it only comes from the least self-aware people. It’s, like…the modern, woke-culture way of calling someone a shit head, or an ass clown, but without having any liability for being a name caller. Like, just call someone…something, anything vaguely psychological…and you can say whatever you want, with perfect impunity. ‘What? I’m just diagnosing their dysfunction…!’ GAWD these people are pussies.”
And see, for better or worse, that’s where I’m at. I’d rather just call someone a name than take the arguably high road, but more realistically low road, and pop-psychology at them. I don’t think any of us have any business “diagnosing” each other with disorders unless it’s coming from a place of a lot of compassion, insight, and wisdom.
So that’s what I think about that.
It’s hardly worth the time and electricity it took to write, in the scheme of things. Trump continues not to “do something” about the shizz going down here…but by total coincidence, governments all around the world, plus the Vatican, are just totally fucking imploding all by themselves :) Luv it :)
By the way, shit’s being declassified. Here’s the best link to an index I’ve found so far. Very very organized. Be careful, it’s a really messed up rabbit hole. I fell down it for a bit last night, and will probably not do that right before bedtime again.
I continue to anticipate, with great pleasure, watching some stuff get bulldozed to fucking atoms here soon. I continue to appreciate Riss Flex, Simon Parkes, Charlie Ward, and to some extent Michael Jaco although he can be hit or miss. I feel like masses and masses of people are unplugging from the MSM. And I hear there’s a “COVID crisis” being planned for next week. Are there still apologists for that, running around? Probably the same cucks handing out armchair diagnoses to people that don’t want to date them.
Whatever. I’m going to sign off and have a great, massive dump of newly-declassified intel kind of day. F’n bring it!!!!