I have a strong assumption, this morning, that my readers have *got* to be bored by now.  My inner monologue is like, “how much more Hawaii, politics, conspiracy theories, or fire camp can they be expected to ingest — this is abuse”.

I wasn’t conscious of it, though, until it seemed an awfully long time to sit here in front of a computer with nothing happening.  Probably the only thing stupider than waking up at 4:55a to do this would be waking up at 4:55a and not doing this.

Improving the things the inner voice tells us even when we don’t know it’s telling us anything, like me just now, is the holy grail of deliberate creation.  And I didn’t do too bad, just now, right?  I mean, my inner voice dismissed every blog idea that came to mind because it sounded boring for the reader, which is neutral-trending-negative; and then I became aware of it, which is….actually not too bad.  Props.  Now I can give myself loving permission to write whatever I want and know it’s not my problem if it bores anyone.  Probably the most fascinating things I’ve ever consumed represent kill-me-now content to most people.

Actually I know that’s true lolll.  I got into a deep, immersive talk with my coworker Gene last night that caused us to literally blow off the home cooked dinner the (other) shower guys had made for us, which sucks, and eat the meh camp dinner instead, but talking was too good.  And then I got too sleepy.  The thing people hardly conversate about is their journey of personal authenticity-slash-spirituality (same thing).  It’s happening to us all the time, but takes an extra degree of self-awareness to recognize, frame, and narrate for someone else, even in excerpt form.

And I could say tons about that but right now, it puts me in mind of this funny trend my brother and I noticed, in the last decade.  Abe and I both became simply enchanted by the body of channeled writings out there, starting around 2012, and our exchange of reactions and ideas about them accelerated for years, and then mostly plateaued at a point of mutually recognized integration.  Now we can comfortably refer to huge metaphysical concepts using simple labels and code words, in conversation and text, and we don’t think anything of it.  Like one of us might caution the other, “Be careful not to yippee skippy,” and the other one will be like, “Ooooh…yeah.”

That’s from an Abraham Hicks session.  In a world where everyone wants you to pay for content, Abraham — channeled by Esther Hicks in public seminars all over the world for several decades now, for so long you can hear her voice changing with age — just uploads it all to YouTube, or allows its upload.  So you can go to YouTube and type in “Abraham Hicks” plus literally any goddamn thing you can think of, and something will come up.  I mean, you could spend the rest of your natural life just listening to this treasure of question and response audio, and it would be a life well spent.  I’ve listened to so many that my resonance to the response is often higher than my resonance to the question — or, to put it another way, after having listened to thousands of these things, you really begin to feel past the words of people’s questions and into their energy and attitude, their woundedness or receptivity, period.  Which is exactly what Abraham is doing, of course, but at a higher level than me.

So people will get themselves into the “hot seat”, the seat of asking, with a microphone in their face, and then like anything can happen, energetically speaking.  There’s no set time limit — Abraham keeps that shit really brisk, but if it’s still moving forward, still “getting there”, it could go on for 20 or 30 minutes, despite a packed house.  Or it could be three minutes, because it got there so fast, or because it ain’t gonna get there and it’s obvious.  No one can be forced to consider a larger truth, even if they themselves fought their way through the ranks, ostensibly for that purpose.  It’s not so much about “answering a question” as it is helping someone to move their vibration out of the question frequency and into the answer frequency.  I know this sounds really esoteric but that’s where the deep dive helps.  Listen to a hundred of these and you’ll have developed an entirely new awareness about energy you didn’t even know existed.

One common “genre” of question is, “I’m living really spiritual so why hasn’t my stuff manifested”.  This is actually what Gene and I got into last night, but based in his more Christian sensibilities.  “I’m pushing the good Christian’s To-Do List button as hard as I can but I’m still not getting my sugar pill.”  I’ve heard soooooo many people ask Abraham some version of this question, which makes it easier for me to realize when I’ve gotten myself bamboozled in similar fashion.  I’m doing everything right; where the fuck are my blessings.  I mean, you can just feel the issue there, right?  Even if you can’t think through it, you can feel that that’s not the place to be, energetically.  That’s resentment, holding your breath for an outcome, taking score — the opposite of what makes good stuff happen.  But it’s hard not to do it!  It’s like, goddamn, ALL WE WANT is some kind of instruction manual.  Just tell me what to do to be good, to be happy, and I’ll do it, no matter how hard or shitty it is, lmaooooo!  You see what I mean?  The conundrum itself IS the conundrum.

Sometimes I honestly wonder with these people, How did you manage to even get yourself to a metaphysical seminar, for fuck’s sake?  I find it hard to believe you tied your own shoes, this morning.  And then other people are just so funny, brilliant, their timing is incredible, hearing them interact with Abraham is like watching professional dancers improvise, exquisitely.  Quickly matching and then improving the vibration and receptivity of all these people, at all these different levels and gradations, is the actual job Abraham does.  So it’s truly an environment where there’s no dumb question, and no matter how stuck or mobile anyone’s issue is, hearing it get workshopped is of benefit to everyone.  I’ve had some of my biggest a-ha moments from hearing Abraham “poke around in” someone’s really stuck energy, relative to a question I’d certainly never admit out loud, even if I did have it.  The avalanche of Abraham Q&A content is amazing in the micro and even better in the constantly accumulating macro.  I’ve heard people advance stuck energy in ways I don’t resonate with at all, but the workshopping of that stuck energy is like a laser targeting some specific problem I *am* having, that blows it open for me.  And the crazy thing is that someday Esther will die and that specific channel won’t be open anymore, so I really appreciate that it’s there now.

ANYWAY, so this one lady was talking about her universal grievance or whatever, where’s my stuff, and she was like running down the list of all the things she’s doing “right”.  I mean, it sounded like she was demanding a raise lol.  She made a big emphasis on how she’s happy all the time (in this white-knuckle fashion): “I make my gratitude list, I go to work, yippee skippy, I come home and meditate, yippee skippy, blah blah blah”, and Abraham stops her — Abraham just interrupts the shit out of people all the time, I love it — and goes, “Hang on, hang on hang on.  What is all this ‘yippee skippy’?”

And of course, yippee skippy is phoning it in, emotionally bypassing.  You can’t trick the universe, you know, which is the thing we all try to do because we’ve been operating in this fake ass transactional world where we essentially trick each other into giving up what we want, right?  Which starts usually with our mothers, lol.  Mothers are these really tired people who can easily be maneuvered into transactions with their children because they’re like, “Whatever it takes for your ass to lay down and take a nap; I have a lot of other shit I need to do, and I love you, and if I can attach me getting what I want — a break — to something that is probably beneficial for you as well, then I’ve checked my ‘good mother’ box, and everyone’s happy.”  So it’s easy for us to assume we can essentially haggle with the universe to get what we want, because we do that with each other and ourselves all the time.

It’s a pretty tragic misunderstanding, but common.  IN REALITY, we don’t trick each other, or ourselves, like, ever.  And Law of Attraction, or the art of deliberate creation, whatever you wanna call it, is a great reality check there.  This woman could yippee skippy her brains out but you just can’t get there from here.  Transactionalism itself is the thing we have to give up, but it’s so fundamental to the way we’ve learned to negotiate the world that we don’t even realize we’re doing it.  Like, I can “give up” the blog *I* felt interested in writing this morning, in favor of the blog I think people want to read, but that’s a lose/lose attitude regardless of the surface level outcome.  If I’m not giving myself what I really want, as deeply as possible, all the time, I won’t be happy with anything I wrangle out of someone else.  This is why manipulating people in relationships is a lose/lose, even if it makes the relationship “happen” or “work”.  Negotiating is a serious business, and certainly has its place, but the least we can do is negotiate in full view of how we actually feel and what we actually want, which is less about transactionalism and more about authenticity.

So my brother and I have long since ingested this fresh understanding, to the point where we forget all about it, and then one or the other of us will caution, “hey, don’t go yippee skippy on this,” and it’s like, ohhh yeah.  I was kind of doing that, huh.

There’s a big built-in misunderstanding in the Law of Attraction community about mood.  The shallow memo people get is, “If I can simply perform enough happiness and (frankly) rabid thriving, I’ll get my blessings.”  It’s the flip side of the same coin for religious folks, which is what Gene and I were rapping about — “If I can simply perform enough guilt/goodness/humility/self-sacrifice, I’ll get my blessings”.  Surprise to both those motherfuckers — you just played yourself.  There’s no way to be real except to be real, and since we all essentially just want a user’s manual for this confusing life experience, we’re always rabbiting off down some to-do list trail.  Look at me!  I’m checking my boxes!  I’m so good at checking my boxes I’m gonna tell you how to check your boxes!  I’ll even promise you that you’ll finally be happy/saved/rich/loved/beautiful if you check these boxes I recommend, and the fact that I know, deep down, I don’t feel any of those ways, even though I’m checking the right boxes, makes me work extra hard to get you to check the boxes because I’m gonna freak out if I did all this work for nothing, so check the damn boxes and if you still don’t feel good, I don’t wanna hear about it!  Just get busy making someone else check the boxes and we’ll all be fucking lost together, but none of us will ever admit it so it’s fine!

Yeah, yippee skippy is a real problem.

Oh, so anyway, during my brother’s and my deep dive into spiritual metaphysics and channelled writings, circa 2012 to now-ish, we just had our minds blown all the time.  It’s like living in a world where everyone’s starving and you find food, an infinite source of delicious food, and so obviously you try to tell people, right?  They’re like, “I’m so so hungry, if only I had some food,” and we’re like, “WE FOUND THE FOOD!,” and they are totally uninterested.  And that’s just how it is.  It’s crazy, but that’s how it is.

And the thing is, you just have to trust that everyone’s on their path, one way or the other.  You get upside down the minute you try to “give” someone something they’re not asking for; even if they are asking for it, in fact!  I mean, this has got to be how Abraham feels lol.  People coming from all over the world and buying expensive tickets, just to refuse to be talked out of their suffering.  “Would you rather be right or be happy?”  The answer is obvious — we’d all rather be right.  Admitting that is a big step in the right direction.  Realizing how much time and energy we spend justifying the entirely justifiable ways we’re upset and disenfranchised is another big step.  It’s like, yes, and?  Yes, and?  What do you want more of, the thing you just spent ten minutes explaining how much you hate, or the thing you truly want, in your heart of hearts, but spend zero time emphasizing in your own experience because you’re too busy justifying your very justifiable disappointment?  (And obviously, beyond obviously, I constantly make all these mistakes I’m mentioning, despite setting my mind not to, because that’s just how it goes.  This stuff takes time.)

And luckily we do live in a benign universe.  I know this comes as a shock to some, but we do.  The burden or blessing of unfucking our minds is by no means on our shoulders alone.  The universe is tapping us on the shoulder and offering us our favorite kind of cookie at all times, in more ways than we can even imagine.  We can reject its offer of a slightly improved mood ten million times in a row, but the cookie will still be offered ten million and one.  We’re all basically radios, and our only job is to figure out what kind of music we like and then set our dial to what we want to hear.  We’re never doing anything more wrong than, essentially, setting our dials to the wrong station and then complaining about the music they play.  Which I’ve done a lot of lately, I realize


It’s been a pretty amazing journey for Abe and I, discovering that it’s not our job to oppose or eradicate the radio stations we don’t like; our job is to become better receivers of the radio stations we do like.  (Again — I frequently fail; that’s fine.)  All the yucky old macaroni salad can stay right there in the buffet but we don’t have to put it on our plate.  There’s plenty of good food.  That’s where the misunderstanding of assertion comes in — well, aren’t these problems being asserted into my experience?  Sure seems like it.  I don’t think I chose to, you know, get into a traffic accident or experience something horrible.

This is where the rubber reeeeeeally meets the road.  And graduates us up into the next meta-genre of questions posted to Abraham in these thousands, millions of audio captures.  Why did this bad thing happen to me?  And Abraham’s usually like, Well — how do you know it’s a bad thing?  And then the person in the hot seat is usually like, Because I fucking hated it, that’s how I know!  For god’s sake.  When you hate things, you know they’re bad!

So that’s tough to argue, but we can all admit it’s entirely problematic on its face.  I mean, devil’s advocate, let’s agree that when we hate things, that means they’re bad.  Okay.  This theory immediately debunks itself.  How?  Because we can all observe other people, or even ourselves in childhood, hating things in the moment that turned out to be good in the long run.  “The long run” usually translates to, like, a couple weeks or years, or at most our physical lifetime, in our minds; but “the long run” means something entirely different if you accept or at least consider that we’re all eternal beings having a series of physical experiences.  It behooves us to acknowledge that sometimes we hate things that turn out to be good for us.

HEREIN lies the ever-present danger of yippee skippy transactionalism; hating things privately but publicly sold on the idea that “everything happens for a reason” so we just get really good at grinning and bearing it.  Spiritual bypassing at its finest.  I find the most helpful analogy to the universe’s basic nature to be that of a cat.  Cats are like, “PET ME.  NO NOT THAT WAY.  NOW IGNORE ME.  NO, NOT LIKE THAT.”  Anyone approaching a relationship with a cat, but relying on some kind of user’s manual approach, is going to get scratched, and probably quite a lot.  With cats, you have to feel into them energetically.  You have to accept their essential autonomy and their essential desire for connection at the same time, and pay attention to not just what they want but how they want it, when they want it.  You have to have a sense of timing.  You have to be in charge of yourself, although obviously not in charge of them.  You’re not going to yippee skippy yourself into any relationship with any cat, however well it might work for dogs.  And you can’t guilt them into anything, either.

So when we ask Abraham or ourselves or each other, “Why did this bad thing happen to me?,” it’s a lot like asking, “Why did my cat scratch me?”  So one answer is, because that’s what cats do.  Somehow, unbelievably, it’s still worth it.  It could be as simple as that.  Or it could be deeper — you didn’t read the signs.  You didn’t feel the energy.  You didn’t accept that it was a dance, a form of improv, a spontaneous new creation — you just tried to impose your box-checking strategies onto that cat and you absolutely deserved to get scratched.  Cats aren’t here to reward us for checking boxes.  They’re not our fucking mothers.

So yeah, next time you feel something unwanted is being asserted into your experience, just interpret it as being scratched by at cat that you love; strategically retreat, and feel into it more deeply next time.  Maybe sounds too simple, but you know what’s really too simple?  Assuming that all the things we hate are bad.

So now I’m too hungry to continue, even though this doesn’t really feel done, and the breakfast truck came quite a while ago, so I should walk up with Gene and get food before it demanifests.  It’s been a fun blog